The Carrot Ate My Unicorn, Sammy!
by Lestat's Violinist
Summary: Sam, 14,  and Dean, 18,  get 'home' from a rather wild adventure at the dentists. Hilarity ensues when John pulls out a video camera to record his boys.  Rated for one intance of Dean swearing. It was the 'D' word.  Summary sucks, please read anyways!


**A/N**_: This is just a ridiculous one-shot of Sam and Dean on too many pain meds. It's after a dentists visit and John decides to have some fun. Oh, yes, I'm wicked cruel to these boys._

**Disclaimer**_: I don't own them. Never have and most likely never will. Sad koala bears!_

John couldn't decide what was funnier. The fact that his fourteen year old was stoned out of his mind because he had his wisdom teeth removed and he thought that he was flying an alien's saucer or the fact that Dean was right there with him and totally sharing in his brother's hallucination.

John never thought he'd use the video camera Bobby gave him. He was now thanking God that he took it as he recorded his two sons trying to push the space ships buttons on what was really the couch. John chuckled and smirked when Dean grinned hazily, "S'mmy… Hey… S'mmy. Y-yooou kno' wha' ch'se says whe' it ge's is pict'r t'ken?"

_Oh God_, John thought, _Dean's gonna start telling jokes_. He was really, really glad he had this camera now. Sam faced his big brother with huge eyes and an awed look on his face. He shook his head, "N', tell m' D'n. Wha's the ch'se say?"

Dean grinned hugely, "M'ke s'r ge' my _Gouda_ si'." It was a split second before both brothers were rolling on the floor in laughter and John wasn't even sure he had heard Dean correctly. _What does cheese say when it gets its picture taken?_

At first, John didn't get it. Then… _Oh_. John got it. _Make sure to get my _Gouda_ side_. John shook his head, only Dean could use a child's joke and have his brother rolling. It didn't hurt that they were both higher than a couple of rocket ships, either.

Once Dean and Sam got over their laughter they faced John, "Dad! Di' yooou see? We beat up da ale'ns and ki'ed them goo'!" John could only nod and bite his lips as he tried not to laugh at his youngest. It wasn't their fault they had a bad- or good, depending on who you are- reaction to the anesthetics.

"Yeah, son, real good job on them aliens. I'm proud." And John was proud. Just not about the fake destruction of aliens. He was proud that even stoned out of their minds they knew what they did and how to do it.

Suddenly, Dean gasped and was trying to crawl towards his father, "Dad! Dad! I haffa tell you someth'ng!" John knelt down and faced his oldest. Dean glanced at the camera warily and whispered to John, "T'ere's someth'n' stuck to yer hand."

John blinked at his son for a second before he burst into laughter, "It's a camera Dean, it won't hurt you, I promise."

Dean stared at his father before nodding and turning to the camera, "Dad says yer not gonna hur' _me_, buh, yooou hur' S'mmy n' I ki' yooou, go' it?"

John could not believe his son was threatening a camera as though it were a real thing. John patted Dean on the back and ushered him back to Sam. Instantly Sam wrapped his arms around his brother's chest and whispered something in his ear.

Dean suddenly had a serious look on his face and he pulled Sam away so he could judge his expression. Dean cleared his throat, "Da'? We ha' somet'in' ser'ous to tal' 'bout." John nodded and Dean kept going, "I's ser'ous da'. Life an' deat'."

John frowned, "Go on son, tell me what's up."

Dean nodded and took a deep breath, "S'mmy says t-hat we nee' ice c-ream. N' ar'u-ing, da. S'mmy says we nee' it."

John laughed before he could stop himself, "Alright, boys, you can have ice cream since it's that important."

Out of nowhere Dean cried out, "Th' carrot ate m' un'corn, Sammy!" before starting in on his ice cream.

They didn't even finish one bowl between the two of them. Too soon they were passed out on the couch and John was putting the camera away. That had to be the best black mail video ever. Oh yeah, John was gonna save that video for when it would most embarrass _both_ of his boys.

The perfect opportunity came up about four and a half months later when Dean and Sam had pissed John off. So, as punishment he sent them out to pick up some things out of the trunk of the Impala while he set up the video on a screen so everyone could see it.

It was just so perfect; there was him, Bobby, Caleb, Pastor Jim, Mark, and the boys. This would be classic. John had set it up so that just as the boys were walking in he was working on putting the video in. Dean grinned, "Hey, dad, what ya watching?"

John smirked, "Just an old video I thought these guys might like. Come on, you can watch it too." Wary looks from both boys were received but no complaints were voiced. They sat down on the floor in front of the older hunters and their jaws dropped when they saw who was on film.

"Oh, dad, you _didn't_." Sam whined just as on-screen-Sammy decided to voice his opinion on why ken dolls were junkless. It was obviously a form of birth control. Sam's reasoning was mumbled and jumpy but he was adamant that he was right.

Dean only nodded vehemently until Sam stopped talking. Then, he shocked everyone by going into detail about why there's no such thing as love, only lust. It had started when Sam said something about having a crush on a girl at school and saying he thought he loved her.

Dean rolled his eyes, "Anthropologically speaking Homo sapiens aren't meant to be monogamous. We have this perfect world in our minds where love isn't just endorphins and oxytocin that flares up in the brain and heart muscle at the sight of a physically attractive other." He shook his head, "Sad really. 'Love is when reality is finally better than our dreams'. Poorly said, Doctor Seuss poorly said."

"See, that statement is proven impossible. Our dreams are specifically created for each of our own subconscious and conscious wants and needs. Reality has an ever changing, constantly moving string of occurrences that are almost always out of our control. In dreams, everything is controlled. Reality can never be better than our dreams, henceforth there is no such thing as love."

Dean gaped at his on-screen self. He was never going to live this down. If John figured out that he actually knew what the Hell Sam was talking about during his long, in depth speeches then Dean would always be pushed to do better in school.

_Damn_, Dean groaned internally and forced himself not to bolt from the room. Although, he had to admit, watching himself was really funny once he got passed the 'everyone knows I'm smart now' thing. Sam, on the other hand, was mortified.

The bright red shade of color that was on his face in the beginning stayed there until well after the 'home video' was over. John felt pretty good about himself right about now. He had embarrassed his sons, proved that Dean was smart, and, somehow, gotten Bobby to laugh.

He considered today a damn good day. John patted Dean on the back and smirked when he heard Bobby say two words that made his eldest sons ears get bright red, "Doctor Seuss?" John could barely catch his breath for a good thirty minutes after that. Yeah, today was a great day.


End file.
